Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
