i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I touched a dick in church today
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
