you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Couch. On fire.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
