I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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