lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
