break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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