final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
