It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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