im about as happy as oj after his trial
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
