i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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