My underwear smells like fireworks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
