saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
