its not stalking. its research.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
