New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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