I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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