I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
