Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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