Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
