Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
