Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
