i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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