Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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