Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
