well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
