Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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