i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
