I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
