If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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