Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
