Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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