My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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