Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
