question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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