I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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