i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
