Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
