dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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