I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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