How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
