I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
where are my eyebrows?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
