He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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