She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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