the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
