I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
