I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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