Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
