I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
