the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
