Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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