I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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