OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
