oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
