there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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