oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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